HAHA THIS IS HILARIOUS

wicky said:
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the
other called Christian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said
to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted" and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away
whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him
back into a prawn.

He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends. Looking around the gathering at the reef he
realised he couldn't see his old pal.

"Where's Christian?" he asked.

"He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark", came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the
coral gate memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted,
"It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your
dinner."

Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.".........

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"I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian"




sorry :err:
Click to expand...
should I now post a smile here?
 
wicky said:
only if you want to :err:
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ok, just for you wicky
:err: :wink:
 
A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.

Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35," was the reply.

"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.

After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.

The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29".

"I am actually 47."

Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.

She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."

As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.

Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."

Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"

The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."
 
For my english drunks <3



A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog on a leash.
She sits down at the bar next to a drunk. The drunk rolls
around, leans over, and splat! He pukes all over the dog. The
drunk looks down, sees the little dog struggling in the pool of
vomit, and slurs, "I don't remember eating that!"
 
Rockhardchick666 said:
For my english drunks <3



A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog on a leash.
She sits down at the bar next to a drunk. The drunk rolls
around, leans over, and splat! He pukes all over the dog. The
drunk looks down, sees the little dog struggling in the pool of
vomit, and slurs, "I don't remember eating that!"
Click to expand...

LOL LOL
 
In the back woods of Scotland, Ian's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said: "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there Ian!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down...I think there's yet another wee one to come yet."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a bonnie lass.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, lad...It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.

Then Ian scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor: "Do ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"

LOL LOL LOL
 
"A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at
the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked,
"What are all those clocks?

"St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a
Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that
she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have
moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire
life."


"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
 
wicky said:
"A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at
the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked,
"What are all those clocks?

"St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a
Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that
she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have
moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire
life."


"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
Click to expand...



LOL LOL LOL
 
BRAVE MEN

What's the definition of the bravest man in the world??

The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says: "You're next, fatty."

**********************************

Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading.

Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."

Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

********************************

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

He asks, "What are you doing?"

She answers, "I'm moving to London.

I heard prostitutes there get paid 400 quid for doing what I do for you for free."

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm coming too I want to see how you live on 800 notes a year"...
 
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