HAHA THIS IS HILARIOUS

MaidenMadness

MaidenMadness

Active Member
from http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_870483.html

Steel bridge stolen in Ukraine

An 11-metre-long steel bridge has been dismantled and stolen in western Ukraine.

Police say locals are behind the theft of the bridge that used to span the river Svalyavka.

Officers said it would have been impossible to take the bridge apart without a crane and a lorry. They also say it would have been difficult to have taken it away unnoticed.

BBC News Online says metal theft is a problem in Ukraine, where people steal statues, wires and sewage hatches to sell as scrap.

Officials are now checking all scrap metal yards in the region to find the remains of the one-tonne bridge.

Meanwhile, residents of several villages along the river have to find another way of reaching the local town, Svalyava.
 
LOL That's dedication. How can someone steal an entire bridge?




Well-if you've ever heard the saying "I have a bridge I'd like to sell you"
Now it can happen. :evil:
 
dinner party conversation
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"


WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you play golf with her?"

HUSBAND: "I guess so."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: - - - silence - - -

HUSBAND: "SHIT"
 
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect
courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course,
perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple were driving
their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the
side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to
disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded
Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along
delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated
and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them
survived the accident.

Question: Who was the survivor?
(Scroll down for the answer. Trust me, it's worth it)



















Answer:
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the
first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such
thing as a perfect man.
**** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.
**** Men keep scrolling.
























So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have
been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.

By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates
another point: Women never listen.
 
wicker nomad said:
dinner party conversation
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"


WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you play golf with her?"

HUSBAND: "I guess so."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: - - - silence - - -

HUSBAND: "SHIT"
Click to expand...
LOL LOL LOL LMAO
 
wicker nomad said:
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect
courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course,
perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple were driving
their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the
side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to
disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded
Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along
delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated
and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them
survived the accident.

Question: Who was the survivor?
(Scroll down for the answer. Trust me, it's worth it)



















Answer:
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the
first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such
thing as a perfect man.
**** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.
**** Men keep scrolling.
























So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have
been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.

By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates
another point: Women never listen.
Click to expand...
STOP!! Your killing me LOL LOL LOL
 
taken from ananova.com

Steel thieves at it again in Ukraine

There has been another steel theft in Ukraine - just a week after an 11-metre steel bridge was stolen.

This time thieves targeted an historic steam locomotive from an open-air museum in the city of Donetsk in the east of the country.

The local police chief told a television channel those responsible had probably hired a crane from the state transport company using forged documents authorising the locomotive to be moved to a new location.

It was found at a metal scrap yard outside the city, already cut into pieces. The locomotive was said to be the first ever built in Soviet Ukraine back in 1924, so experts could not put a price tag on it, says BBC News Online.

But the thieves could have expected to earn about £2,200 from selling the 14.5 tonnes of scrap metal that remained of the locomotive. Experts doubt it could ever be put back together.

Metal theft is a serious issue in Ukraine, where statues, wires and even sewage hatches have been stolen for sale as scrap.
 
MaidenMadness said:
taken from ananova.com

Steel thieves at it again in Ukraine

There has been another steel theft in Ukraine - just a week after an 11-metre steel bridge was stolen.

This time thieves targeted an historic steam locomotive from an open-air museum in the city of Donetsk in the east of the country.

The local police chief told a television channel those responsible had probably hired a crane from the state transport company using forged documents authorising the locomotive to be moved to a new location.

It was found at a metal scrap yard outside the city, already cut into pieces. The locomotive was said to be the first ever built in Soviet Ukraine back in 1924, so experts could not put a price tag on it, says BBC News Online.

But the thieves could have expected to earn about £2,200 from selling the 14.5 tonnes of scrap metal that remained of the locomotive. Experts doubt it could ever be put back together.

Metal theft is a serious issue in Ukraine, where statues, wires and even sewage hatches have been stolen for sale as scrap.
Click to expand...
Weird...
 
Please don't under-estimated a mind of a woman!

>A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
>other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next day he
>would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
>flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he
>wrote on a piece of paper,
>
>"Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
>He left it where he knew she would find it.
>
>The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he
>had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
>hadn't waked him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper
>said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
>
>Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests
 
wicker nomad said:
Please don't under-estimated a mind of a woman!

>A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
>other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next day he
>would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
>flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he
>wrote on a piece of paper,
>
>"Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
>He left it where he knew she would find it.
>
>The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he
>had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
>hadn't waked him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper
>said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
>
>Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests
Click to expand...
Revenge is mine... :evil:
 
I felt this needed to go in the

HAHA THIS IS HILAIRIOUS THREAD

Man-Ure go out of the champions league :banana: :banana: :banana:

Not that it is the champions league really, not like when Liverpool
won their 4 European cups it was just champions then.

Its really the champions and whoever else UEFA let play in it league :|

But anyway LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL
 
rockin_plumber said:
I felt this needed to go in the

HAHA THIS IS HILAIRIOUS THREAD

Man-Ure go out of the champions league :banana: :banana: :banana:

Not that it is the champions league really, not like when Liverpool
won their 4 European cups it was just champions then.

Its really the champions and whoever else UEFA let play in it league :|

But anyway LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL
Click to expand...
:x :x :x :x :x THAT IS NOT FUNNY
 
The language of woman: Womanese...



Here's a guide for the men:

1. "Fine" - This is the word women use at the end of any argument
when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any
longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine" to
describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of those
arguments.)

2 . "Five minutes" - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the
five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take
out the trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.

3. "Nothing" - means something and you should be on your toes.
"Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of
wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing"
usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end
with the word "Fine."

4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows) - This is NOT permission; it's a
dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be the woman
will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute"
discussion that will end with the word "Fine."

5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows) - This is NOT permission, either. It
means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will
get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by
"Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes"
when she cools off.

6. "Loud Sigh" - This is not actually a word, but is still often a
verbal statement. Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud
Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is
wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing!."

7. "Soft Sigh" - Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft
Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand.
It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or
breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.

8 . "Oh" - This word-followed by any statement-is trouble. Example;
"Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were
doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not
walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when
she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her
to talk to you for at least two days. ("Oh" as the lead to a sentence
usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie
more to get out of it, or you will get a raised eyebrows "Go ahead,"
sometimes followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to
write about them.

9. "That's Okay" - This is one of the most dangerous statements that
a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think
long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for whatever
you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and
in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." Once she has had time
to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.

10. "Please Do" - This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman
is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have
done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more
trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's
Okay."

11. "Thanks" - The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look
for hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome."

12. "Thanks A Lot" - "Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from
"Thanks." A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked
off at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies
that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask
what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you
"Nothing."
 
wicker nomad said:
The language of woman: Womanese...



Here's a guide for the men:

1. "Fine" - This is the word women use at the end of any argument
when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any
longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine" to
describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of those
arguments.)

2 . "Five minutes" - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the
five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take
out the trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.

3. "Nothing" - means something and you should be on your toes.
"Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of
wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing"
usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end
with the word "Fine."

4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows) - This is NOT permission; it's a
dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be the woman
will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute"
discussion that will end with the word "Fine."

5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows) - This is NOT permission, either. It
means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will
get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by
"Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes"
when she cools off.

6. "Loud Sigh" - This is not actually a word, but is still often a
verbal statement. Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud
Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is
wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing!."

7. "Soft Sigh" - Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft
Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand.
It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or
breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.

8 . "Oh" - This word-followed by any statement-is trouble. Example;
"Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were
doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not
walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when
she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her
to talk to you for at least two days. ("Oh" as the lead to a sentence
usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie
more to get out of it, or you will get a raised eyebrows "Go ahead,"
sometimes followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to
write about them.

9. "That's Okay" - This is one of the most dangerous statements that
a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think
long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for whatever
you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and
in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." Once she has had time
to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.

10. "Please Do" - This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman
is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have
done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more
trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's
Okay."

11. "Thanks" - The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look
for hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome."

12. "Thanks A Lot" - "Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from
"Thanks." A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked
off at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies
that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask
what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you
"Nothing."
Click to expand...
I'll have to print this so I can understand my girlfriend...
 
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