rockin_plumber
The Plumber That Rocks
Ivan said:
Its good :wink:
HAHA THIS IS HILARIOUS
- Thread starter MaidenMadness
- Start date
Its good :wink:
Ivan
Active Member
I don't know if you know this one, but it's funny
Three men went to hell.
The devil said to them "You have come to hell, and you must now choose whether to spend eternity in room 1, 2 or 3"
He then opened the doors to the three rooms.
Room 1 was filled with men standing on their heads, on a hard wooden floor.
Room 2 was filled with men standing on the heads, on a cement floor.
Finally, room 3 had just a few men, standing in shit up to their knees and drinking coffee.
The men thought for a while, and decided to go with room 3, as it was less crowded and they could drink coffee.
They entered the door to room 3 and just as it was closing behind them, the devil said "OK men, coffee break's over. Back on your heads."
Three men went to hell.
The devil said to them "You have come to hell, and you must now choose whether to spend eternity in room 1, 2 or 3"
He then opened the doors to the three rooms.
Room 1 was filled with men standing on their heads, on a hard wooden floor.
Room 2 was filled with men standing on the heads, on a cement floor.
Finally, room 3 had just a few men, standing in shit up to their knees and drinking coffee.
The men thought for a while, and decided to go with room 3, as it was less crowded and they could drink coffee.
They entered the door to room 3 and just as it was closing behind them, the devil said "OK men, coffee break's over. Back on your heads."
rockin_plumber
The Plumber That Rocks
LOL LOL LOL ^^^
Ivan
Active Member
One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attaked them and knocked them out.
When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne.
The chief then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me."
So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.
Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed.
The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!"
The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."
When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne.
The chief then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me."
So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.
Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed.
The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!"
The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."
rockin_plumber
The Plumber That Rocks
:shock: LOL LOL LOL
Ivan
Active Member
and this one is great, isn't it?
A Scotsman and an Englishman lived next door to each other.
The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning he would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg.
The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen.
The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the testicles and time how long it takes for you to get back up. Then you kick me in the testicles and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg."
The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman put on the heaviest pair of boots he could find. He took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and kicked him as hard as he could in the testicles.
The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his groin, howling in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."
The Scotsman smiled and said, "Ye can keep the damn egg!!"
A Scotsman and an Englishman lived next door to each other.
The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning he would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg.
The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen.
The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the testicles and time how long it takes for you to get back up. Then you kick me in the testicles and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg."
The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman put on the heaviest pair of boots he could find. He took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and kicked him as hard as he could in the testicles.
The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his groin, howling in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."
The Scotsman smiled and said, "Ye can keep the damn egg!!"
rockin_plumber
The Plumber That Rocks
LOL
rockin_plumber
The Plumber That Rocks
Count Dracula is out on the pull in town. He spends the night drinking
bloody mary's in various clubs and biting on unsuspecting women's necks.
He is heading for home, wandering along the High Street sometime before
sunrise. Suddenly he is hit on the back of the head. He looks round and
sees nothing. He looks down and sees a small sausage roll.
Mmmm, he thinks. What's going on here.
A few yards further on and ... BANG. Smacked on the back of the head again!
He whirls round as quick as he can, nothing. Again he looks down and
there is a small triangular sandwich lying on the ground. How odd!!
A few yards further along the street and .... crash.
Smacked on the back of the head again!! He whirls round as quick as he
can, nothing.
He's getting really angry now. Again he looks down and there is a cocktail
sausage lying on the ground.
He stands and peers into the darkness of the night. Nothing. He walks a
few yards further on when he gets a tap on the shoulder. With a swirl of
his cape and a cloud of mist he turns as fast as he can. He feels a sharp
pain in his heart. He falls to the ground clutching his chest, which is
punctured by a small cocktail stick laden with a chunk of cheese and a
pickle.
On the ground dying, he looks up and sees young female.
With his dying breath he gasps,
"Who Are You?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ready for this ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
She replies,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Buffet, The Vampire Slayer."
:err:
bloody mary's in various clubs and biting on unsuspecting women's necks.
He is heading for home, wandering along the High Street sometime before
sunrise. Suddenly he is hit on the back of the head. He looks round and
sees nothing. He looks down and sees a small sausage roll.
Mmmm, he thinks. What's going on here.
A few yards further on and ... BANG. Smacked on the back of the head again!
He whirls round as quick as he can, nothing. Again he looks down and
there is a small triangular sandwich lying on the ground. How odd!!
A few yards further along the street and .... crash.
Smacked on the back of the head again!! He whirls round as quick as he
can, nothing.
He's getting really angry now. Again he looks down and there is a cocktail
sausage lying on the ground.
He stands and peers into the darkness of the night. Nothing. He walks a
few yards further on when he gets a tap on the shoulder. With a swirl of
his cape and a cloud of mist he turns as fast as he can. He feels a sharp
pain in his heart. He falls to the ground clutching his chest, which is
punctured by a small cocktail stick laden with a chunk of cheese and a
pickle.
On the ground dying, he looks up and sees young female.
With his dying breath he gasps,
"Who Are You?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ready for this ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
She replies,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Buffet, The Vampire Slayer."
:err:
rockin_plumber
The Plumber That Rocks
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to
death.
They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of
a sudden...
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet."
"Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".
So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune and
there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back
bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat
you can imagine!!
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".
"Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don' forget".
"Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell of bacon...ees
no meerage, ees a bacon tree".
And with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres,
Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens
up, and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded
but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
"Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree"
"Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?"
"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree....
Scroll down
Ees..
keep scrolling
Ees..
keep scrolling
You'll love it........honest
Ees..
keep scrolling
Ees, a Ham Bush"
:err:
death.
They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of
a sudden...
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet."
"Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".
So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune and
there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back
bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat
you can imagine!!
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".
"Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don' forget".
"Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell of bacon...ees
no meerage, ees a bacon tree".
And with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres,
Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens
up, and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded
but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
"Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree"
"Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?"
"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree....
Scroll down
Ees..
keep scrolling
Ees..
keep scrolling
You'll love it........honest
Ees..
keep scrolling
Ees, a Ham Bush"
:err:
rockin_plumber
The Plumber That Rocks
Maureen, Fergi and Rafa are sitting around talking, when Maureen says
John Terry is the hardest player there is.
I will prove it, watch this, John come here a minute, when he comes over
Maureen says, Take this axe and go to the top of that hill and chop down
the biggest tree you can find and bring it here, you have 10 minutes.
Ten minutes go by and sure enough JT comes back with the tree, there you go boss, Maureen says, see thats hard
.
Fergi says rubbish, watch this, he calls Roy Keane over (before he was
sold obviously) and says Keano get JT on your back take this axe and go
to the top of that hill and cut down the biggest tree you can find and bring
them back here, you have 5 minutes.
Again 5 minutes later Keano comes back with JT on his back and the tree
and says there you go boss, Fergi says now thats hard.
Rafa laughs and says thats nothing, watch this.
Stevie come here a sec will you.
So over he comes, Rafa says, get JT and Keano on your back take this
axe, go to the top of that hill and chop down the biggest tree you can find
and then bring them all back here, you have two minutes.
.
.
.
.
.
Stevie says Fuck off boss, to which Rafa replies, now thats hard!
John Terry is the hardest player there is.
I will prove it, watch this, John come here a minute, when he comes over
Maureen says, Take this axe and go to the top of that hill and chop down
the biggest tree you can find and bring it here, you have 10 minutes.
Ten minutes go by and sure enough JT comes back with the tree, there you go boss, Maureen says, see thats hard
.
Fergi says rubbish, watch this, he calls Roy Keane over (before he was
sold obviously) and says Keano get JT on your back take this axe and go
to the top of that hill and cut down the biggest tree you can find and bring
them back here, you have 5 minutes.
Again 5 minutes later Keano comes back with JT on his back and the tree
and says there you go boss, Fergi says now thats hard.
Rafa laughs and says thats nothing, watch this.
Stevie come here a sec will you.
So over he comes, Rafa says, get JT and Keano on your back take this
axe, go to the top of that hill and chop down the biggest tree you can find
and then bring them all back here, you have two minutes.
.
.
.
.
.
Stevie says Fuck off boss, to which Rafa replies, now thats hard!
wicky
Moderator
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the
other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said
to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted" and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away
whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him
back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends. Looking around the gathering at the reef he
realised he couldn't see his old pal.
"Where's Christian?" he asked.
"He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark", came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the
coral gate memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted,
"It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."
Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your
dinner."
Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.".........
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
"I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian"
sorry :err:
other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said
to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted" and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away
whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him
back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends. Looking around the gathering at the reef he
realised he couldn't see his old pal.
"Where's Christian?" he asked.
"He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark", came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the
coral gate memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted,
"It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."
Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your
dinner."
Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.".........
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
"I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian"
sorry :err:
wicky
Moderator
> > At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit
> >the books of a synagogue.
> >
> > While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said: "I
> >notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"
> >
> > Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of
candles."
> >
> > "Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual
> >question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way:
> >"What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"
> >
> > "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying
to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them
back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits."
> >
> > "I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster
> >the know-it-all Rabbi.
> >
> >"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover
> >foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
> >
> > "Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save
up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year
they send us a complete prick
LOL
> >the books of a synagogue.
> >
> > While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said: "I
> >notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"
> >
> > Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of
candles."
> >
> > "Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual
> >question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way:
> >"What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"
> >
> > "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying
to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them
back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits."
> >
> > "I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster
> >the know-it-all Rabbi.
> >
> >"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover
> >foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
> >
> > "Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save
up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year
they send us a complete prick
LOL
rockin_plumber
The Plumber That Rocks
LOL LOL LOL
wicky
Moderator
There was this couple that had been married for 20
years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was
ridiculous. She figures she
would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband
was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a
vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years?
You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says
calmly:
"I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."
LOL
years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was
ridiculous. She figures she
would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband
was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a
vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years?
You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says
calmly:
"I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."
LOL