HAHA THIS IS HILARIOUS

A traffic warden walks up to a mans car and begins writing his ticket. Then
the man walks up

"Please, stop. I'm right here!"

the traffic warden replies "Sorry, I already started."

the man goes on to beat the traffic warden shitless as he pleads "Please, Stop!"

...................and as he continues to pound him the man says



"Sorry, I already started!" :D
 
wicky said:
Me and Jake were eating mince pies just now...he came out with a classic that I think will stay with us forever LOL

He looked at the pie and said it's christmas jam LOL
Click to expand...

LOL christmas jam

Thats awesome :D
 
Paddy and his two friends are discussing the behaviour of their teenage
daughters.

Dave says "I was shocked the other day. I was in my 14 year old
daughters bedroom and I found a packet of cigarettes. I didn't evn know
she smoked!"

Mike replied, "That's nothing, I was tidying my 14 year old's room the
other day and found a bottle of vodka. I never knew she drank!"

Paddy looked at the other two, and said, "Well, I was in MY 14 year old's
room the other day, and under her pillow I found a packet of condoms! I
never even knew she had a cock!!"

:D
 
I was holding my friend's baby yesterday when she asked me to wind it.
I thought that was harsh so I just gave it a dead leg instead. :D
 
Hitler walks up to the Pearly Gates and says to St Peter, "I'd like to come in."

St Peter: "Not likely!"

Hitler: I've repented and I've given back all the gold and treasures
that I stole from the Jews, and I'm really sorry."

At that point, Jesus walks up and asks what's going on.

St Peter: "It's Hitler here, he wants to come in."

Jesus: "Bugger off!"

Hitler: "No, it's true! To prove it, I've got a six foot solid gold cross I
can't find the owner of. I could give that to you."

Now Jesus was partial to crosses, so he went to see God.

Jesus: "Hey Dad, I've got Hitler outside and he wants to come in now he's repented."

God: "Tell him to get lost!"

Jesus: "But Dad, he's given back all the gold that he stole from the
Jews - except for a six foot, solid gold cross he can't find the owner for. He
says I can have it."

God: "And what do you want with a solid gold cross? You couldn't
even carry a fuckin' wooden one!"
 
Steve comes home from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.

He runs upstairs only to burst in and find his best mate pumping away with
Steve's rather ugly wife.

He looks at the pair in utter disgust before turning to his friend.

"Honestly, Kevin," he says. "I have to, but you?"

LOL
 
A blind man wanders into an all-girls' biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while over a couple of beers, he yells to the server, "Hey, you wanna hear a blond joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.. In a very deep, husky voice the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you're blind -- that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blond girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blond girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175 lb. blond woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blond and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blond and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

LOL
 
wicky said:
A blind man wanders into an all-girls' biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while over a couple of beers, he yells to the server, "Hey, you wanna hear a blond joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.. In a very deep, husky voice the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you're blind -- that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blond girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blond girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175 lb. blond woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blond and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blond and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

LOL
Click to expand...



LOL LOL LOL
 
LADIES.... Your wait is...... Over ?
HUH.gif
 
A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.

The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You''ll feel so much better!"

The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke.

So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you''ll see, you''ll feel so good!"

The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and coke, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up.

"Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come. Run with us through the beautiful forest and you''ll feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and mauls the rabbit.

The giraffe and elephant watch in horror and look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help you."

The lion answers, "That little bastard! He makes me run around the forest like a f**king idiot every time he's on ecstasy!"
LOL
 
This cracked me up LOL

I was feeling a bit lonely so I decided life would be more fun if I had a
pet. So, I went to the pet shop and told the owner that I wanted to buy
an unusual pet. After some discussion, I finally bought a Centipede which
came in a little white box to use for his house.

I took the box back home, found a good location for it, and decided I
would start off by taking my new pet to the pub to have a drink.

So, I asked the centipede in the box, 'Would you like to go down The
Queen's Head Pub with me and have a beer?'

But there was no answer.

This bothered me a bit, but I waited a few minutes and then asked him
again, 'How about going to the pub for a drink?'

But again, there was no answer from my new friend and pet.

So, I waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. I decided to ask
him one more time; this time putting my face up against the
centipede's house and shouting,
'Hey, in there! Would you like to go to The Queen's Head Pub and have a
drink with me?'

A little voice came out of the box:

'I heard you the first time! I'm putting my shoes on.'
 
LOL LOL LOL Every nite he falls for it


Bed time little_rockin........

I dont want to daddy :(

Ok... Ill race yah... On ur marks.. Get set.. GO!!!!!!!

And he wins... always...
And goes to bed fine LOL LOL LOL

Its all too easy LOL
 
rockin_plumber said:
LOL LOL LOL Every nite he falls for it


Bed time little_rockin........

I dont want to daddy :(

Ok... Ill race yah... On ur marks.. Get set.. GO!!!!!!!

And he wins... always...
And goes to bed fine LOL LOL LOL

Its all too easy LOL
Click to expand...
Bless him LOL
 
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