A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the
'Is there a problem Officer?'
The policeman says, 'Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?'
The driver responds, 'I'd give it to you but I don't have one.'
'You don't have one?'
The man responds, 'I lost it four times for drink driving.'
The policeman is shocked. 'I see. Can I see your vehicle registration
'I'm sorry, I can't do that.'
The policeman says, 'Why not?'
'I stole this car.'
The officer says, 'Stole it?'
The man says, 'Yes, and I killed the owner.'
At this point the officer is getting irate. 'You what!?'
'She's in the boot if you want to see.'
The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for
back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A
senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
The senior officer says 'Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!'
The man steps out of his vehicle. 'Is there a problem sir?'
'One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered
'Murdered the owner?'
The officer responds, 'Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?'
The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
The officer says, 'Is this your car sir?'
The man says 'Yes', and hands over the registration papers.
The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. 'One of my officers claims
that you do not have a driving licence.'
The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer.
The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite
puzzled. 'Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a
licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner.'
The man replies, 'I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!'
A woman sent her clothing to am laundry, but when it came back there
were still stains on her panties. So the following week she enclosed a note
saying, 'use more soap on panties.' The next day when she picked up her
next lot of laundry there was a note on it saying, 'use more paper on ass.'
A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning... Baby
bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into
his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into
his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and
yells, 'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you
idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke
everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy
Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It
was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who
went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and
croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.
'It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray,
gave them their food, and refilled their water.
'And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and
grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm
only going to say this once....