HAHA THIS IS HILARIOUS
- Thread starter MaidenMadness
- Start date
wicky
Moderator
This made me chuckle :err:
INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance --particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as AFL 5.0, The Ashes 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed, Desperate
....................................................................
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.
Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me.html" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5,Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).
Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck, Tech Support
LOL
INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance --particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as AFL 5.0, The Ashes 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed, Desperate
....................................................................
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.
Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me.html" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5,Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).
Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck, Tech Support
LOL
afraidtoshooteddie
Active Member
LOL LOL LOL
rockin_plumber
The Plumber That Rocks
I couldnt believe this.........
Last Saturday nite......
I went out for a drink with everyone from work........
One of the blokes that used to work with us was gonna come but cancelled
at the last minute.....
No excuses............
Anyway I saw him yesturday......... LOL LOL LOL
I said where the fuk were you last week.........
Too tight to buy a fukin round again you tight cunt :|
His excuse...........
No....... it was the Final of any dream will do :|
Blown out for Joseph and his fukin
coat.......
LOL LOL LOL Fukin bell-end
Last Saturday nite......
I went out for a drink with everyone from work........
One of the blokes that used to work with us was gonna come but cancelled
at the last minute.....
No excuses............
Anyway I saw him yesturday......... LOL LOL LOL
I said where the fuk were you last week.........
Too tight to buy a fukin round again you tight cunt :|
His excuse...........
No....... it was the Final of any dream will do :|
Blown out for Joseph and his fukin
LOL LOL LOL Fukin bell-end
afraidtoshooteddie
Active Member
rockin_plumber said:I couldnt believe this.........
Last Saturday nite......
I went out for a drink with everyone from work........
One of the blokes that used to work with us was gonna come but cancelled
at the last minute.....
No excuses............
Anyway I saw him yesturday......... LOL LOL LOL
I said where the fuk were you last week.........
Too tight to buy a fukin round again you tight cunt :|
His excuse...........
No....... it was the Final of any dream will do :|
Blown out for Joseph and his fukincoat.......
LOL LOL LOL Fukin bell-end
wicky
Moderator
How sad :|rockin_plumber said:I couldnt believe this.........
Last Saturday nite......
I went out for a drink with everyone from work........
One of the blokes that used to work with us was gonna come but cancelled
at the last minute.....
No excuses............
Anyway I saw him yesturday......... LOL LOL LOL
I said where the fuk were you last week.........
Too tight to buy a fukin round again you tight cunt :|
His excuse...........
No....... it was the Final of any dream will do :|
Blown out for Joseph and his fukincoat.......
LOL LOL LOL Fukin bell-end
LMFAO LOL LOL LOL
Bockaaarck
Active Member
wicky
Moderator
wicky
Moderator
LMAO LOL LOL LOLBockaaarck said:
Bockaaarck said:
bocky 80's LOL LOL
wicky
Moderator
A woman in her fifties is at home happily jumping naked on her bed and Squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks,
Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look?
What's the matter with you?"
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care what
You think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says
That not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old."
The husband replies, "What did he say about your 55-year old arse?"
Your name never came up," she replied.
LOL
Her husband watches her for a while and asks,
Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look?
What's the matter with you?"
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care what
You think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says
That not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old."
The husband replies, "What did he say about your 55-year old arse?"
Your name never came up," she replied.
LOL
afraidtoshooteddie
Active Member
wicky
Moderator
This story happened a while ago in Sydney, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.
John Bradford, a Sydney University student, was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm.
The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door, just to realise there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralysed with terror, watched how the hand repeatedly came through the window but never harmed him.
Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub down the road so, gathering strength, jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just experienced.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realised he was crying and ?...
wasn't drunk.
Suddenly two other people walked into the same pub. They, like John, were also wet and out of breath. Looking around and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar,
One said to the other, "Look, Bruce..... there's that fucking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it."
LOL LOL
John Bradford, a Sydney University student, was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm.
The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door, just to realise there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralysed with terror, watched how the hand repeatedly came through the window but never harmed him.
Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub down the road so, gathering strength, jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just experienced.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realised he was crying and ?...
wasn't drunk.
Suddenly two other people walked into the same pub. They, like John, were also wet and out of breath. Looking around and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar,
One said to the other, "Look, Bruce..... there's that fucking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it."
LOL LOL
wicky
Moderator
>Daddy Long Legs
>
>A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as
>he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in
>his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through
>such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.
>
>He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.
>He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
>
>"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
>
>"They're mating," her father replied.
>
>"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.
>
>"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.
>
>"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.
>
>As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he
>replied "No dear Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."
>
>The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then
>took her foot and stomped them flat.
>
>"Well, we're not having any of that gay shit in our garden." she said.
:err:
>
>A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as
>he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in
>his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through
>such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.
>
>He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.
>He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
>
>"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
>
>"They're mating," her father replied.
>
>"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.
>
>"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.
>
>"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.
>
>As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he
>replied "No dear Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."
>
>The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then
>took her foot and stomped them flat.
>
>"Well, we're not having any of that gay shit in our garden." she said.
:err:
rockin_plumber
The Plumber That Rocks
LOL LOL LOL <<<<< THIS IS FOR THE JOKE ON THE PREVIOUS PAGE :|
rockin_plumber
The Plumber That Rocks
wicky said:
Is that better :|
rockin_plumber
The Plumber That Rocks
wicky said:
Good 8)