HAHA THIS IS HILARIOUS

rockin_plumber

The Plumber That Rocks
Young man called Ron wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new
girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived
a considerable distance away.

He consulted with his sister and decided after careful consideration, that a
pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note, not too romantic
and not too personal.

Off he went with his sister to Harrods ladies dept and they selected a
dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of
knickers for herself at the same time.

Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two
items, the sister got the gloves and Ron got the knickers.

Good old Ron sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the
following letter:

Dear Sasha,

I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when
we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would
have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones
(which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade,
but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been
wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled at all.

I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in
them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said
that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she
hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as
no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to
see you again.

When you take them off remember to blow into them a little
bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing. Just
imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year. I
hope you will wear them for me on our next date.

All my love

Ron.

P.S. (My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down
with a little bit of fur showing.)
 

rockin_plumber

The Plumber That Rocks
A mum and dad are enjoying watching t.v with their 5 year old son
upstairs but suddenly there's a scream and mum runs upstairs to see
what's the matter '' I had a nightmare, uncle James died'' His mum hugs
him and assures him that it's only a dream and lets him go back to sleep
but the next day uncle James dies in a car crash.

A week later the family are at home and there's another scream ''I had a
nightmare grandpa Thomas died'' Once again Mum assures him that it's
fine and lets him go back to sleep but to days later grandpa Thomas has a
fatal heart attack.

Another week later there is yet another scream ''I had a nightmare dad
died'' The boy's father hears about this and is scared senseless, he walks
to work so he don't have a car crash, he doesn't eat so he doesn't get
food poisoning and he avoids everyone becuase he fears somehow he will
be killed, jumping at every movement, gasping at every sound and hiding
under his desk. He gets home from work and tells his wife '' i've just had
the worst day of my life!'' ''if you think that's bad'' she replies '' the
milkman dropped dead on our doorstep this morning''

:D
 

rockin_plumber

The Plumber That Rocks
A man has a son born with no arms, no legs an no torso....but he loves him
to bits an on his 18th birthday he takes him out for a bevvy...
The head has a sip of beer an his arms pop out....
Drink again says his dad,...and he does....his legs pop out....
Then his torso pops out the young man is so excited he sprints out the door.......
only to get knocked over and dies in the street........
as his dad is sobbing the barman looks up an says
...............................he should have quit whilst he was a head !!!

:err:
 

afraidtoshooteddie

Active Member
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/4748292.stm

LOL LOL LOL LOL






However, in related more recent news>>

In February 2006, a Sudanese man, Charles Tombe, was forced to marry a goat by the local elders, after he was caught having sex with it. It has been announced that the goat, called Rose, has died by chocking on a plastic bag that she swallowed as she was eating scarps in Juba.

The story is famous as being one of the most emailed in the history of the internet. The original BBC story has received several million hits, once reaching over 100,000 hits in 5 days. There are over one million web pages about the story, according to Google.

Tom Rhodes, the British founder of the Juba Post which originally reported the story, hardly gave it little consideration. He said, “Wow - what have we done? We have triggered a monster.”

Juba is in the Southern part of Sudan, which is a conservative area. If a man sleeps with another woman, he is ordered to marry her immediately in order to save the woman’s honour, hence Tombe’s punishment. Tombe was also ordered to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50, at the time).
 

Ivan

Active Member
Electricity
Today's question: What in the world is electricity and where does it go after it leaves the toaster?

Here is a simple experiment that will teach you an important electrical lesson: On a cool dry day, scuff your feet along a carpet, then reach your hand into a friend's mouth and touch one of his dental fillings. Did you notice how your friend twitched violently and cried out in pain? This teaches one that electricity can be a very powerful force, but we must never use it to hurt others unless we need to learn an important lesson about electricity.

It also illustrates how an electrical circuit works. When you scuffed your feet, you picked up batches of "electrons", which are very small objects that carpet manufacturers weave into carpet so that they will attract dirt. The electrons travel through your bloodstream and collect in your finger, where they form a spark that leaps to your friend's filling, then travel down to his feet and back into the carpet, thus completing the circuit.

AMAZING ELECTRONIC FACT:
If you scuffed your feet long enough without touching anything, you would build up so many electrons that your finger would explode! But this is nothing to worry about unless you have carpeting.

Although we modern persons tend to take our electric lights, radios, mixers, etc. for granted, hundreds of years ago people did not have any of these things, which is just as well because there was no place to plug them in. Then along came the first Electrical Pioneer, Benjamin Franklin, who flew a kite in a lightning storm and received a serious electrical shock. This proved that lightning was powered by the same force as carpets, but it also damaged Franklin's brain so severely that he started speaking only in incomprehensible maxims, such as, "A penny saved is a penny earned." Eventually he had to be given a job running the post office.

After Franklin came a herd of Electrical Pioneers whose names have become part of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary Louise Amp, James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc. These pioneers conducted many important electrical experiments. Among them, Galvani discovered (this is the truth) that when he attached two different kinds of metal to the leg of a frog, an electrical current developed and the frog's leg kicked, even though it was no longer attached to the frog, which was dead anyway. Galvani's discovery led to enormous advances in the field of amphibian medicine. Today, skilled veterinary surgeons can take a frog that has been seriously injured or killed, implant pieces of metal in its muscles, and watch it hop back into the pond. However, water is a great conductor of electricity and the frog is immediately electrocuted.

But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877 was the phonograph, which could soon be found in thousands of American homes, where it basically sat until 1923, when the record was invented. But Edison's greatest achievement came in 1879 when he invented the electric company. Edison's design was a brilliant adaptation of the simple electrical circuit: the electric company sends electricity through a wire to a customer, then immediately gets the electricity back through another wire, then (this is the brilliant part) sends it right back to the customer again.

This means that an electric company can sell a customer the same batch of electricity thousands of times a day and never get caught, since very few customers take the time to examine their electricity closely. In fact, the last year any new electricity was generated was 1937.

Today, thanks to men like Edison and Franklin, and frogs like Galvani's, we receive almost unlimited benefits from electricity. For example, in the past decade scientists have developed the laser, an electronic appliance so powerful that it can vaporize a bulldozer 2000 yards away, yet so precise that doctors can use it to perform delicate operations to the human eyeball, provided they remember to change the power setting from "Bulldozer" to "Eyeball."
 
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