Bockaaarck
Active Member
rockin_plumber said:
Nice hat, LOL LOL LOL
Didn't i see you wearing that in a video once ?
"Young man, there's a place you can go, i said young man, ........."
LOL LOL LOL
HAHA THIS IS HILARIOUS
- Thread starter MaidenMadness
- Start date
Nice hat, LOL LOL LOL
Didn't i see you wearing that in a video once ?
"Young man, there's a place you can go, i said young man, ........."
LOL LOL LOL
wicky
Moderator
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off the at the next stop.
When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie, "I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. "If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are God and you could command her to have sex with you."
The hippie decides this is a great idea, so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. At midnight sure enough the nun shows up and begins praying the hippie jumped out from hiding and says. "I AM GOD! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, BUT ... first you must have sex with me." The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun.
After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts,"Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the hippie!!"
Then the nun jumps up and shouts, "Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the bus driver!!"
When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie, "I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. "If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are God and you could command her to have sex with you."
The hippie decides this is a great idea, so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. At midnight sure enough the nun shows up and begins praying the hippie jumped out from hiding and says. "I AM GOD! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, BUT ... first you must have sex with me." The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun.
After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts,"Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the hippie!!"
Then the nun jumps up and shouts, "Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the bus driver!!"
ewil
Active Member
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he
reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her
and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on
top, Daddy?" she asked.
"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.
"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied, "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs,"
The little girl thought for a moment --- then took her foot and stomped
them flat.
"Well, we're not having any of that shit in our garden."
reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her
and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on
top, Daddy?" she asked.
"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.
"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied, "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs,"
The little girl thought for a moment --- then took her foot and stomped
them flat.
"Well, we're not having any of that shit in our garden."
Rockhardchick666
Well-Known Member
LOL LOL
ewil
Active Member
A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop!" So the married couple did. The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you
would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex." Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex God he was. The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sexfreak?" The Jamaican replied "Just try dem on, Man." Well, the husband, after some
badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes... something his wife hadn't seen in many years!! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants,
and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips. The Jamaican then began screaming;
"YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!!! YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!!!"
would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex." Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex God he was. The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sexfreak?" The Jamaican replied "Just try dem on, Man." Well, the husband, after some
badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes... something his wife hadn't seen in many years!! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants,
and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips. The Jamaican then began screaming;
"YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!!! YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!!!"
ewil
Active Member
An Irishman moves to the USA & finally attends his
first
baseball game. The first batter approached the
batters' box, took a few swings and then hits a
double. Everyone was on their feet screaming "Run,
Run".
The next batter hits a single & the Irishman listened
as the crowd again cheered "RUN, RUN"!!
The Irishman enjoyed the game & began screaming with
the fans. The fifth batter came up and four balls went
by. The umpire called "walk" and the batter started
his slow trot to first base.
The Irishman stood up and screamed, "R-R-Run ye lazy
bastard, run!"
The people around him began laughing. Embarrassed,
the Irishman sat back down. A friendly fan noted the
man's embarrassment, leaned over and explained "He
can't run -- he's got four balls."
The Irishman stood up and screamed, "Walk with pride,
lad."
first
baseball game. The first batter approached the
batters' box, took a few swings and then hits a
double. Everyone was on their feet screaming "Run,
Run".
The next batter hits a single & the Irishman listened
as the crowd again cheered "RUN, RUN"!!
The Irishman enjoyed the game & began screaming with
the fans. The fifth batter came up and four balls went
by. The umpire called "walk" and the batter started
his slow trot to first base.
The Irishman stood up and screamed, "R-R-Run ye lazy
bastard, run!"
The people around him began laughing. Embarrassed,
the Irishman sat back down. A friendly fan noted the
man's embarrassment, leaned over and explained "He
can't run -- he's got four balls."
The Irishman stood up and screamed, "Walk with pride,
lad."
Rockhardchick666
Well-Known Member
okay.....this is halarous LOL LOL LOL
ewil
Active Member
KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR
> > > ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual headline)
> > >
> > > Lisa Brunet, 23, a resident of San Diego, was
> > > visiting her in-laws, and while there went to a
> > > nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
> > > Several people noticed her sitting in her car with
> > > the windows rolled up, her eyes closed
> > > and with both hands behind the back of her head.
> > >
> > > One customer who had been at the store for a while
> > > became concerned and walked over to the car. He
> > > noticed that Lisa's eyes were now open, and she
> > > looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay
> > > and Lisa replied that she'd been shot in the back of
> > > the head, and had been holding her brains
> > > in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics,
> > > who broke into the car because the doors were locked
> > > and Lisa refused to remove her hands from her
> > > head.
> > >
> > > When they finally got in, they found that Lisa had a
> > > wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A
> > > Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat,
> > > making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and
> > > the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When
> > > she reached back to find out what it
> > > was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains.
> > > She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and
> > > proceeded to "hold her brains in" for over an
> > > hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.
> > >
> > > Lisa is blonde
> > > ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual headline)
> > >
> > > Lisa Brunet, 23, a resident of San Diego, was
> > > visiting her in-laws, and while there went to a
> > > nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
> > > Several people noticed her sitting in her car with
> > > the windows rolled up, her eyes closed
> > > and with both hands behind the back of her head.
> > >
> > > One customer who had been at the store for a while
> > > became concerned and walked over to the car. He
> > > noticed that Lisa's eyes were now open, and she
> > > looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay
> > > and Lisa replied that she'd been shot in the back of
> > > the head, and had been holding her brains
> > > in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics,
> > > who broke into the car because the doors were locked
> > > and Lisa refused to remove her hands from her
> > > head.
> > >
> > > When they finally got in, they found that Lisa had a
> > > wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A
> > > Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat,
> > > making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and
> > > the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When
> > > she reached back to find out what it
> > > was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains.
> > > She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and
> > > proceeded to "hold her brains in" for over an
> > > hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.
> > >
> > > Lisa is blonde
ewil
Active Member
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes...
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine??)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue...
(Hmmmmmm........)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer
than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing....)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for
pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes...
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine??)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue...
(Hmmmmmm........)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer
than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing....)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for
pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
Rockhardchick666
Well-Known Member
haha ...... damn pigs
ewil
Active Member
Ashcroft at elementary school
public officials visit America's schoolchildren
Attorney General John Ashcroft is visiting an elementary school. After
the typical civics presentation, he announces, "All right, boys and
girls, you can all ask me questions now."
A young boy named Bobby raises his hand and says, "I have 3 questions:
1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore?
2. Why are you using the USA Patriot Act to limit Americans' civil
liberties?
3. Why hasn't the U.S. caught Osama Bin Laden yet?"
Just then the bell sounds and all the kids run out to the playground.
Fifteen minutes later, the kids come back into class and again Ashcroft
says, "I'm sorry we were interrupted by the bell. Now, you can all ask me
questions."
A young girl raises her hand and says, "I have 5 questions:
1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore?
2. Why are you using the USA Patriot Act to limit Americans' civil
liberties?
3. Why hasn't the U.S. caught Osama Bin Laden yet?
4. Why did the bell go off 20 minutes early?
5. Where's Bobby?"
public officials visit America's schoolchildren
Attorney General John Ashcroft is visiting an elementary school. After
the typical civics presentation, he announces, "All right, boys and
girls, you can all ask me questions now."
A young boy named Bobby raises his hand and says, "I have 3 questions:
1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore?
2. Why are you using the USA Patriot Act to limit Americans' civil
liberties?
3. Why hasn't the U.S. caught Osama Bin Laden yet?"
Just then the bell sounds and all the kids run out to the playground.
Fifteen minutes later, the kids come back into class and again Ashcroft
says, "I'm sorry we were interrupted by the bell. Now, you can all ask me
questions."
A young girl raises her hand and says, "I have 5 questions:
1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore?
2. Why are you using the USA Patriot Act to limit Americans' civil
liberties?
3. Why hasn't the U.S. caught Osama Bin Laden yet?
4. Why did the bell go off 20 minutes early?
5. Where's Bobby?"
Sixth Dragon
New Member
SexyDevilGirl said:
where the f##k are they going to put it without the authorities noticing?
Maybe they'll melt it down for scrap. :anorak:
MaidenMadness
Active Member
they stole i don't know how many kms of railroad tracks a week after that LOLSixth Dragon said:
ewil
Active Member
Something I found... :err:
Code:
<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...
<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything
<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.
<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "
<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls
<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"
<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.
<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.
<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.
<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine> O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang
<JonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
<JonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
twilightsglow
Well-Known Member
^ LOL LOL LOL
wicky
Moderator
>Imagine you walked into a small hut by the river in the jungle. You
pushed
>open the door, in front of you were 7 small beds to the right of the
hut,
>and another 7 small chairs surrounding a small round table. In the
middle
>of the table was a round food tray with 5 kinds of fruit in it.
>
>There are:
>a. Apple
>b. Banana
>c. Strawberry
>d. Peach
>e. Orange
>
>Which fruit will u choose?
>
>Your choice reveals about u!
>
>Test results: Please SCROLL DOWN
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> If you chose:
>>
>> a. Apple:
>> That means you are a person who loves to eat apple
>>
>> b. Banana:
>> That means you are a person who loves to eat banana
>>
>> c. Strawberry:
>> That means you are a person who loves to eat strawberry
>>
>> d. Peach:
>> That means you are a person who loves to eat peach
>>
>> e. Orange:
>> That means you are a person who loves to eat orange
>>
>I hope you find fulfilment in this new insight about yourself. May it
bring
>you peace and understanding, tranquillity and all that other profound
stuff.
sorry!!!
pushed
>open the door, in front of you were 7 small beds to the right of the
hut,
>and another 7 small chairs surrounding a small round table. In the
middle
>of the table was a round food tray with 5 kinds of fruit in it.
>
>There are:
>a. Apple
>b. Banana
>c. Strawberry
>d. Peach
>e. Orange
>
>Which fruit will u choose?
>
>Your choice reveals about u!
>
>Test results: Please SCROLL DOWN
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> If you chose:
>>
>> a. Apple:
>> That means you are a person who loves to eat apple
>>
>> b. Banana:
>> That means you are a person who loves to eat banana
>>
>> c. Strawberry:
>> That means you are a person who loves to eat strawberry
>>
>> d. Peach:
>> That means you are a person who loves to eat peach
>>
>> e. Orange:
>> That means you are a person who loves to eat orange
>>
>I hope you find fulfilment in this new insight about yourself. May it
bring
>you peace and understanding, tranquillity and all that other profound
stuff.
sorry!!!
ewil
Active Member
ewil
Active Member