HAHA THIS IS HILARIOUS

Dear Mr. & Mrs. Thomas,

I write this letter in concern of your daughter, Aradia Moon. Please don't
take this the wrong way, however, although she is a straight A student and
a very bright child, she has some strange habits that I feel we should address.

Every morning before class, she insists on walking around the room with
her pencil in the air. She says she is "drawing down the moon." I
told her art class is in an hour & to please refrain until then to do
any drawing.

And speaking of art class, whenever she draws a night sky, she insists
on drawing little circles around all the stars and people dancing on the
ground. And that brings up dancing, I had to stop her twice for taking off
her clothes during a game of Ring Around the Rosey! By the way, what does "skyclad" mean?

Aradia has no problem with making friends. I always find her sitting outside
during recess with her friends sitting around her in a circle. She likes
to share her juice & cookies. It is nice how she wants no one to ever
thirst or hunger. However, when I walked over to see what they were doing,

she jumped up & told me to stop, pulled out a little plastic knife & started
waiving it in front of me. I thought this a bit dangerous, so I took her
to the Principal's Office. She explained to the Principal that she was "opening the circle" to let me in. She also said that her Mommy & Daddy always told her not to play or run with an "athame" in her hand, that she could put someone's eye out. I don't know what an "athame" is,
but I'm glad she keeps it at home.

As for stories, your daughter tends to make up some whoppers. Just yesterday
while I was talking sternly to Tommy Johson & shaking my finger at him,
he started screaming & ran from the room. When I finally caught him,
he told me Aradia told him & the rest of the class that the last time
I shook my finger at someone, they caught the chicken pox. I explained to
him that the Sally Jones incident was just a coincidence, & that things
like that don't really happen.

One of the strangest things that happened was when I asked the children
to bring in Halloween decorations for the classroom. Aradia brought in salt,
incense, & her family album. I see she has quite a sense of humour.

One of Aradia's worst habits is that she is very argumentative. We were
discussing what the Golden Rule was (Do Unto Others as you would have them Do Unto You), she firmly disagreed with me & stated that it was "Do
As you Will, but Harm None" & she will not stop saying "So Mote It Be" after she reads aloud in class. I try to correct her on these matters & she got very angry. She pointed her finger at me & mumbled
something under her breath.

In closing, Mr. & Mrs. Thomas, I would like to set up a parent/teacher
conference with you sometime next week to discuss these matters. I would like to see you sooner, but I have developed an irritating rash that I am
quite worried about.

With Deep Concerns,
Mrs. Livingston

P.S. Blessed Be. I understand this is a greeting or closing from your
country that your daughter informs me is polite & correct.
 
Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to
convert
>or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so
the
>Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader
of
>the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy, if
the
>Pope won, they would have to leave.
>
>
>
>The Jewish people met and picked an aged but wise Rabbi, Moishe, to
represent
>them in the debate. However, as Moishe spoke no Italian and the Pope
spoke
>no Yiddish, they all agreed that it would be a "silent" debate.
>
>
>
>On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other
for
>a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three
fingers.

>Rabbi Moishe looked back and raised one finger.
>
>
>
>Next the Pope waved his finger around his head. Rabbi Moishe pointed
to
>the ground where he sat.
>
>
>
>The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.
Rabbi
>Moishe pulled out an apple.
>
>
>
>With that, the Pope stood up and declared that he was beaten, that
Rabbi
>Moishe was too clever and that the Jews could stay.
>
>Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope, asking what had happened. The
Pope
>said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He
responded
>by holding up one finger to remind me that there is still only one God
common
>to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger to show him that God was
all
>around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God
was
also
>right here with us.
>
>
>
>I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all
our
sins.
> He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He had me
beaten
>and I could not continue."
>
>
>
>Meanwhile the Jewish community were gathered around Rabbi Moishe.
"How
did
>you win the debate?" they asked.
>
>
>
>"I haven't a clue," said Moishe, "First he said to me that we had
three
days
>to get out of Italy, so I said to him, Up yours! Then he tells me that
the
>whole country would be cleared of Jews and I said to him, we're
staying
right
>here."
>
>
>
>"And then what," asked a woman.
>
>
>
>"Who knows?" said Moishe, "He took out his lunch so I took out mine."
>
>
 
A guy was in a luxury jumbo jet aeroplane, needing to take a dump. The men's toilet wasn't free so he went to the women's toilet. He shitted for a while and was about to wipe his ass, when he noticed all kinds of buttons in front of him in the wall. In one button it read: WS. He pushed it, and a fine water spray came and washed his bottom. That was nice! Eagerly he pushed the next button with the letters ST. And so his bottom was wiped with ever so soft silk tissues. What a pleasant experience! Next, TP: talk powder. A cloud of it was blowed nicely on his ass.

Then, the last button: ATR. He pushed it. Next thing he knew, he woke up in a hospital. What the hell had happened? A doctor came and asked: Why the hell did you go and push the ATR button??? The dizzy man couldn't still understand what had happened. "What does the ATR mean, then?" he asked.

The doc answered: "Automatic Tampon Remover."
 
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