rockin_plumber
The Plumber That Rocks
rockin_plumber said:
:err: Might be an idea for kids not to look at this
HAHA THIS IS HILARIOUS
- Thread starter MaidenMadness
- Start date
:err: Might be an idea for kids not to look at this
rockin_plumber
The Plumber That Rocks
wicker nomad said:It's taking forever to load
It will work in the END :err:
rockin_plumber
The Plumber That Rocks
wicker nomad said:
press play and it will start :wink:
rockin_plumber
The Plumber That Rocks
rockin_plumber said:
I forgot you only got 512k aint yah
rockin_plumber
The Plumber That Rocks
wicker nomad said:
:err: i did put a warning
wicky
Moderator
How to Shower Like a Woman
>> > >
>> > >Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according
>>
>> > >to
>> > lights and darks.
>> > >
>> > >Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
>> > >
>> > >If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
>> > >
>> > >Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do
>> > >more
>> > sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
>> > >
>> > >Get in the shower.
>> > >
>> > >Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and
>> > >pumice
>> > stone.
>> > >
>> > >Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
>> > vitamins.
>> > >
>> > >Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
>> > >
>> > >Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
>> > >
>> > >Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until
>> > red.
>> > >
>> > >Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
>> > >
>> > >Rinse conditioner off hair.
>> > >
>> > >Shave armpits and legs.
>> > >
>> > >Turn off shower.
>> > >
>> > >Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
>> > >
>> > >Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
>> > >
>> > >Get out of shower.
>> > >
>> > >Dry with towel the size of a small country.
>> > >
>> > >Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
>> > >
>> > >Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
>> > >
>> > >If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
>> > >
>> > >...... ...... ..... ....
>> > >
>> > >How To Shower Like a Man
>> > >
>> > >Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them
>> > >in a
>> > pile.
>> > >
>> > >Walk naked to the bathroom.
>> > >
>> > >If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the
>> > >'woo-woo' >
>> > sound.
>> > >
>> > >Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
>> > >
>> > >Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
>> > >
>> > >Get in the shower.
>> > >
>> > >Wash your face.
>> > >
>> > >Wash your armpits.
>> > >
>> > >Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
>> > >
>> > >Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
>> > >
>> > >Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
>> > >
>> > >Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
>> > >
>> > >Wash your hair.
>> > >
>> > >Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
>> > >
>> > >Wee.
>> > >
>> > >Rinse off and get out of shower.
>> > >
>> > >Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath
>>
>> > >the
>> > whole time.
>> > >
>> > >Admire willy size in mirror again.
>> > >
>> > >Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
>> > >
>> > >Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
>> > >
>> > >If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy it her and make the
>> > 'woo-woo' sound again.
>> > >
>> > >Throw wet towel on bed.
>> > >
>> > >Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according
>>
>> > >to
>> > lights and darks.
>> > >
>> > >Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
>> > >
>> > >If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
>> > >
>> > >Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do
>> > >more
>> > sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
>> > >
>> > >Get in the shower.
>> > >
>> > >Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and
>> > >pumice
>> > stone.
>> > >
>> > >Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
>> > vitamins.
>> > >
>> > >Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
>> > >
>> > >Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
>> > >
>> > >Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until
>> > red.
>> > >
>> > >Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
>> > >
>> > >Rinse conditioner off hair.
>> > >
>> > >Shave armpits and legs.
>> > >
>> > >Turn off shower.
>> > >
>> > >Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
>> > >
>> > >Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
>> > >
>> > >Get out of shower.
>> > >
>> > >Dry with towel the size of a small country.
>> > >
>> > >Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
>> > >
>> > >Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
>> > >
>> > >If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
>> > >
>> > >...... ...... ..... ....
>> > >
>> > >How To Shower Like a Man
>> > >
>> > >Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them
>> > >in a
>> > pile.
>> > >
>> > >Walk naked to the bathroom.
>> > >
>> > >If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the
>> > >'woo-woo' >
>> > sound.
>> > >
>> > >Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
>> > >
>> > >Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
>> > >
>> > >Get in the shower.
>> > >
>> > >Wash your face.
>> > >
>> > >Wash your armpits.
>> > >
>> > >Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
>> > >
>> > >Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
>> > >
>> > >Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
>> > >
>> > >Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
>> > >
>> > >Wash your hair.
>> > >
>> > >Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
>> > >
>> > >Wee.
>> > >
>> > >Rinse off and get out of shower.
>> > >
>> > >Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath
>>
>> > >the
>> > whole time.
>> > >
>> > >Admire willy size in mirror again.
>> > >
>> > >Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
>> > >
>> > >Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
>> > >
>> > >If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy it her and make the
>> > 'woo-woo' sound again.
>> > >
>> > >Throw wet towel on bed.
MaidenMadness
Active Member
rockin_plumber
The Plumber That Rocks
:err: dont like John Cleese much
MaidenMadness
Active Member
very hilarious but a bit of a long read
From: "Razor" </m3h/@net/.*hr/> *
* Subject*: Re: cybersex
Date: 19. travanj 2004 1:59
Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter
all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw
rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.
---------------
Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate K, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in *my* Geo
Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an
order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with
sauce.
Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may
I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your
order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to *my* house now? Cause I'm home
alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll
drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with *my* shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja:I'm on *my* way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you're at *my* front door now.
Bloodninja:How did you know?
Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I
let myself in, and walk inside. I *put* the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate ooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold.
Warm me up baby
Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip *my*
pants with *my* other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in
ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is
deliciously soothing. I blow *my* load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom,
I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the fuck?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of shit
DirtyKate:Fuck
------------------
Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an shit?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for *my* fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables...
Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage *my* spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along
the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: *my* zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this shit is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja: *My* turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. *My* insides turn
to celery as I unleash *my* warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the fuck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed *my* cauliflower, all over your
olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. *****.
MommyMelissa: whatever.
-------
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of *my* pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I *put* on *my* robe and *wizard **hat*.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain *my* mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the
Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend *my* mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't shit with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the
lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1, 000, 000 Your body
explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill *my* brain but *my* lightning shield
inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil
army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals *my*
accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
----------------
bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it
ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i *put **my* hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in *my*
breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fucking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to
charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp *my* feet, the dust stirs around *my* tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower *my* head. *My* horn, like some phallic
symbol of *my* potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide
and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in
the air on *my* mighty horn.
bloodninja: Fuck am I hard now.
-------------
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular
physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I *put* on *my* robe and *wizard **hat*.
BritneySpears14: What the fuck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA:
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your
ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you fuck up.
eminemBNJA: OheminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
------------
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I
work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. *My* measurements are 36-24-36.
What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair
of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt
with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in *my* bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and
candles on *my* dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes,
smiling. *My* hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your
huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.*My* hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing *my* head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off
*my* warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: *My* hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in
your blouse.I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.*My* soft
breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you
have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing
the clasp. The bra slides off *my* body. The air caresses *my* breasts. *My*
nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the
clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching *my* back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue
all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts.
They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running *my* fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your
ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off *my* breasts with the remains of *my*
blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard
tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up *my* miniskirt. Take off *my* panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. *My* tongue is going all over, in and
out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in *my* throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through
the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And
now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the
bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies
pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing *my* glasses into *my* face. It hurts.
Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on
the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling *my* way blindly across the room and
toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the
toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I
can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry
again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling *my* way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to *put **my*...you know ...thing...in your...you
know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck.
Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving *my* ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it
another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on *my*
face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on *my* face, *my* weiner all floppy.
I'm going to get *my* glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on *my*
underwear. Now I'm putting on *my* wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm
feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames
and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning *my* blouse. Now I'm putting on *my* shoes.
Wellhung: I've found *my* glasses. I'm putting them on. *My* God! One of our
candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a
shocked look on *my* face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart:
-------------
sweet17: Hi
bloodninja: hello
bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
bloodninja: Don't fucking laugh at me!
bloodninja: This shit is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a fucking break
bloodninja: I'm serious.
sweet17: I don't get it
bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
bloodninja: It's kindof embarrasing.
bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are fucking sick.
bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: I'm not a cop i told you
bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
bloodninja: Hurry up.
bloodninja: Are you there?
bloodninja: fuck you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for *my* mom.
bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninja: Weren't you!?
sweet17: thats not it
bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
bloodninja: Most cops aren't
sweet17: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKSHIT!
bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail?
bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: I've lost weight since then.
bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt *my* feelings.
bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you *my* picture?
sweet17: yes
bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isn't you.
bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!
sweet17: You don't look like that.
bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go fuck yourself
bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninja: Now *my* unit won't get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you
bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: FUCK YOU!!!
bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.
sweet17: You're a fucking wanker!
sweet17: I've been teased *my* whole life because of *my* weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.
sweet17: No you aren't
bloodninja: You're right. I'm not.
bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17: I'm done with you
bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.
sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore
bloodninja: Wait a sec
bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty
sweet17: You'll what?
bloodninja: You heard me.
bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing *my* picture
bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men.
bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I don't know
bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: I'm afraid to
bloodninja: Why?
sweet17: cause
bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna
eat me out
sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you?
bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
sweet17: I didn't say that
bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!! "
bloodninja: ok?
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You can't be serious
bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
bloodninja: It's *my* fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about *my* tounge brushing up
against them
bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninja: I run *my* tounge up and down your smooth cunt.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.
sweet17: Har
bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every
stroke.
bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of *my* mouth.
bloodninja: Your juices run down *my* chin as your scent makes its way to *my*
nose.
bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I fuck harder
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in *my* hands.
bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
bloodninja: ...still limp
bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninja: And turn you into a fucking candy apple...
bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17: FUCK YOU DICKHEAD!!
bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
bloodninja: ...going limp again.
bloodninja: Hello?
bloodninja: Say it!
bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!
From: "Razor" </m3h/@net/.*hr/> *
* Subject*: Re: cybersex
Date: 19. travanj 2004 1:59
Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter
all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw
rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.
---------------
Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate K, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in *my* Geo
Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an
order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with
sauce.
Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may
I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your
order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to *my* house now? Cause I'm home
alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll
drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with *my* shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja:I'm on *my* way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you're at *my* front door now.
Bloodninja:How did you know?
Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I
let myself in, and walk inside. I *put* the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate ooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold.
Warm me up baby
Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip *my*
pants with *my* other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in
ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is
deliciously soothing. I blow *my* load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom,
I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the fuck?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of shit
DirtyKate:Fuck
------------------
Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an shit?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for *my* fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables...
Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage *my* spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along
the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: *my* zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this shit is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja: *My* turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. *My* insides turn
to celery as I unleash *my* warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the fuck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed *my* cauliflower, all over your
olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. *****.
MommyMelissa: whatever.
-------
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of *my* pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I *put* on *my* robe and *wizard **hat*.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain *my* mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the
Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend *my* mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't shit with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the
lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1, 000, 000 Your body
explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill *my* brain but *my* lightning shield
inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil
army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals *my*
accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
----------------
bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it
ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i *put **my* hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in *my*
breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fucking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to
charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp *my* feet, the dust stirs around *my* tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower *my* head. *My* horn, like some phallic
symbol of *my* potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide
and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in
the air on *my* mighty horn.
bloodninja: Fuck am I hard now.
-------------
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular
physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I *put* on *my* robe and *wizard **hat*.
BritneySpears14: What the fuck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA:
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your
ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you fuck up.
eminemBNJA: OheminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
------------
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I
work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. *My* measurements are 36-24-36.
What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair
of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt
with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in *my* bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and
candles on *my* dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes,
smiling. *My* hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your
huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.*My* hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing *my* head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off
*my* warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: *My* hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in
your blouse.I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.*My* soft
breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you
have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing
the clasp. The bra slides off *my* body. The air caresses *my* breasts. *My*
nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the
clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching *my* back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue
all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts.
They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running *my* fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your
ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off *my* breasts with the remains of *my*
blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard
tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up *my* miniskirt. Take off *my* panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. *My* tongue is going all over, in and
out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in *my* throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through
the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And
now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the
bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies
pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing *my* glasses into *my* face. It hurts.
Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on
the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling *my* way blindly across the room and
toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the
toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I
can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry
again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling *my* way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to *put **my*...you know ...thing...in your...you
know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck.
Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving *my* ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it
another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on *my*
face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on *my* face, *my* weiner all floppy.
I'm going to get *my* glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on *my*
underwear. Now I'm putting on *my* wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm
feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames
and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning *my* blouse. Now I'm putting on *my* shoes.
Wellhung: I've found *my* glasses. I'm putting them on. *My* God! One of our
candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a
shocked look on *my* face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart:
-------------
sweet17: Hi
bloodninja: hello
bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
bloodninja: Don't fucking laugh at me!
bloodninja: This shit is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a fucking break
bloodninja: I'm serious.
sweet17: I don't get it
bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
bloodninja: It's kindof embarrasing.
bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are fucking sick.
bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: I'm not a cop i told you
bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
bloodninja: Hurry up.
bloodninja: Are you there?
bloodninja: fuck you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for *my* mom.
bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninja: Weren't you!?
sweet17: thats not it
bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
bloodninja: Most cops aren't
sweet17: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKSHIT!
bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail?
bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: I've lost weight since then.
bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt *my* feelings.
bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you *my* picture?
sweet17: yes
bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isn't you.
bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!
sweet17: You don't look like that.
bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go fuck yourself
bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninja: Now *my* unit won't get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you
bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: FUCK YOU!!!
bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.
sweet17: You're a fucking wanker!
sweet17: I've been teased *my* whole life because of *my* weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.
sweet17: No you aren't
bloodninja: You're right. I'm not.
bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17: I'm done with you
bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.
sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore
bloodninja: Wait a sec
bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty
sweet17: You'll what?
bloodninja: You heard me.
bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing *my* picture
bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men.
bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I don't know
bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: I'm afraid to
bloodninja: Why?
sweet17: cause
bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna
eat me out
sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you?
bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
sweet17: I didn't say that
bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!! "
bloodninja: ok?
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You can't be serious
bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
bloodninja: It's *my* fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about *my* tounge brushing up
against them
bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninja: I run *my* tounge up and down your smooth cunt.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.
sweet17: Har
bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every
stroke.
bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of *my* mouth.
bloodninja: Your juices run down *my* chin as your scent makes its way to *my*
nose.
bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I fuck harder
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in *my* hands.
bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
bloodninja: ...still limp
bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninja: And turn you into a fucking candy apple...
bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17: FUCK YOU DICKHEAD!!
bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
bloodninja: ...going limp again.
bloodninja: Hello?
bloodninja: Say it!
bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!
wicky
Moderator
1. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
2. THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate
3. THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing!
LOL
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
2. THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate
3. THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing!
LOL
Rockhardchick666
Well-Known Member
^^ priceless LOL
rockin_plumber
The Plumber That Rocks
A bear a lion and a chicken debating who is the hardest...
The bear says my fearsome hug makes everyone run with fear!!!
The lion says when I roar the whole of the jungle shiver in terror!!!
The chicken says when I cough the whole of europe shits itself
The bear says my fearsome hug makes everyone run with fear!!!
The lion says when I roar the whole of the jungle shiver in terror!!!
The chicken says when I cough the whole of europe shits itself
rockin_plumber
The Plumber That Rocks
A Canadian lady wins $60,000,000 on the lottery and asks for her winnings in cash. The lottery man says no, half cash and half cheque. The Canadian lady says if your going to mess around about it I'll have my dollar back.
:err:
:err: