HAHA THIS IS HILARIOUS

A couple decide to go for a meal on their anniversary and after some
> > deliberation decide on their local Chinese restaurant. They peruse the
> > menu and finally agree to share the chef's special chicken surprise.
> > The waiter brings over the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
> >
> > Just as the wife is about to start in on the meal, the lid of the pot
> > rises
> > a
> > tiny amount and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around
> > before the lid slams back down.
> >
> > 'Jesus, did you see that?' she asks her husband. He hasn't so she asks
> > him to look in the pot.
> >
> > He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and again he sees two beady
> > little eyes looking around before it firmly slams back down.
> >
> > Rather perturbed he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening
> > and demands an explanation.
> >
> > 'Well sir', says the waiter, 'What did you order?'
> >
> > 'We both chose the same', he replies, 'the chicken surprise'
> >
> > 'Oh I do apologise, this is my fault' says the
waiter....................
> > .
> > .
> > .
> > .
> > .
> > .
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ..
> > .
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > .
> > 'I've brought you the Peking duck'
 
HELLO AND WELCOME TO THE MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE !

If you are Obsessive/Compulsive , press 1 repeatedly .

If you are Co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have Multiple Personalities , press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you're Paranoid , we know who you are and what you want. Please stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you're Delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship.

If you're suffering from Schizophrenia, listen very carefully and a small voice will tell you which button to press.

If you're Manic Depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press - no one will answer.

If you have a Nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until someone comes on the line.

If you're Dyslexic press 69 69 69 69.

If you're suffering from Amnesia press 8 and state your name,address, phone number,date of birth and your Mother's maiden name.

If suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome , slowly- and very carefully, press 000.

If you have Bi-Polar disorder, leave a message after the beep.........or before the beep......or after the beep...............please wait for the beep.

If you have Short term memory loss press 9. If you have Short term memory loss press, 9. If you have Short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have Low Self-Esteem , please hang-up. All our operators are far too busy to talk to you anyway.




THANK YOU FOR CALLING THE MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE........HAVE A NICE DAY !
 
Somewhere in Wales

Llanfairpwllgwyngllgogerychwryndrobwllyantsllyogogogoch



Two tourists were driving through Wales.....

At Llanfairpwllgwyngllgogerychwryndrobwllyantsllyogogogoch,
they stopped for lunch and one tourist asked the waitress, "Before we
order, could you please settle an argument for us?
Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"
The blonde waitress leaned over and said, "Burrr-gurrr-Kinngg..."


LOL
 
wicker nomad said:
Somewhere in Wales

Llanfairpwllgwyngllgogerychwryndrobwllyantsllyogogogoch



Two tourists were driving through Wales.....

At Llanfairpwllgwyngllgogerychwryndrobwllyantsllyogogogoch,
they stopped for lunch and one tourist asked the waitress, "Before we
order, could you please settle an argument for us?
Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"
The blonde waitress leaned over and said, "Burrr-gurrr-Kinngg..."


LOL
Click to expand...
LOL
 
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, the girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and "do it" for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about protection and doing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent's house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in." The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy still deep in prayer with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so religious." The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
 
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