HAHA THIS IS HILARIOUS

rockin_plumber said:
Where is the I never visit the poll hole option :?
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well if you never visit poll hole you wont vote :p
see linkin park vs iron maiden and also read the poll question

oh damn you didnt see the funny part
the resaults :D
 
A guy is strolling down the street in London when he comes across an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it vigorously, and out pops a genie. The genie offers to grant him one wish. The guy says, "I've always wanted to be lucky." The genie grants his wish. Off the bloke strolls, wondering how this will change his life, when he spies 10 quid on the footpath. Not a bad start, he thinks. As he picks up the money, he notices a betting shop across the road. He strolls over, looks through the racing lists, and sees a horse named Lucky Lad at 100/1 in the 4th at Ascot. He puts the 10 quid on the nose, and what do you know, the horse bolts in. Feeling on a bit of a roll, he heads to the local illegal casino, fronts up at the roulette table, and puts the whole 1,010 quid on "lucky seven." Round and round the wheel spins, and "bang!" It lands lucky seven. Now he's really flying ... what better way to celebrate than to head to the local brothel for some horizontal folk dancing? He knocks and enters, when all of a sudden he is showered with streamers and handed a glass of champagne. The madam of the establishment puts her arm around him and says, "Welcome, sir! We have much pleasure in informing you that you are our lucky 1000th customer, and you have won the right to enjoy the pleasures on offer from any girl who works here, absolutely free of charge!" The bloke says that he's always fancied making it with an Indian girl. So he is ushered into one of the rooms. In strolls the most gorgeous subcontinental woman he has ever seen. Not much time passes before clothing is strewn around the room and the Karma Sutra (pp. 101 to 532) is being well and truly tested. At one point, the guy pauses and says to the girl, "You are one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life. I can't believe how lucky I am. But there is one thing I don't really like about Indian women. I don't like that red spot that you all have on your forehead." The Indian girl looks him in the eye and says, "Sir, I am here to please you and succumb to your every desire. If you wish to see it gone, then please scratch off my caste mark." So the bloke goes at it with his fingernail. All of a sudden, he leans back and starts laughing his ass off. "What's wrong?" asks the Indian girl. The bloke replies, "You're not going to believe this, but I've just won a new car!" LOL LOL
 
A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there. The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?"
Yes, I was a salesman in the country" said the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up."
The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?"
"One," said the young salesman.
"Only one?" blurted the boss, "most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?"
"Three hundred thousand dollars," said the young man.
"How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.
"Well," said the salesman "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast.
I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser."
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?" "No," answered the salesman "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, 'Your weekend's shot, you may as well go fishing.'" :D
 
LOL LOL LOL

Found this......... good idea for a mothers day card :err:

mumcard03.gif
 
I got a new mobile yesterday

Got the message alert set like a doorbell

I just got a message and the dog went fukin mental LOL LOL
 
a young priest was very nervous before his first mass so he asked bishop for advice and bishop told him
"take a glass of water and pour two drops of vodka in it and you wont be so nervous"
after that he felt so selfconfident that nothing could upset him anymore. after the mass he found a not with the following text:
"Dear father, next time take two drops of vodka with a glass of water not vice versa. we fell that that way these incidents won't occur again:
1) it is not neccesary to put slices of lemon on a grail with wine
2) the closet by the altar is for confessions. its not a toilet
3) we dont hug and kiss the statue of vigin mary
4) there are 10 commandments not 12. there are 12 apostols not 7..and none of them was a dwarf
5) we dont call jesus christ and his apostols j.c. and the gang
6) david beat golliath by hitting him with a rock. he didnt jump onto him and beat the shit out of him
7) we dont call judas a son of a bitch
8.) we must not call pope el padrino
9) bin laden had nothing to do with jesus's death
10) holy water is for blessing and not for refreshing your armpits
11) you must pray by sitting in front of an altair with your foot the the holy bible
12) body of christ isnt a snack that goes with the wine its for the believers
13) sinners go to hell and not to fuck themselves
14) inviting a people to dance isnt bad but a polka through church is unacceptable
15) the guy in the corner who you called a faggot, a heretic and a transvestite in a skirt was me

we hope that the following sunday's mass will go without these incidents"

:D
 
Ivan said:
on my mobile phone the tone was THE WICKER MAN, and it was fuckin' brilliant
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I've got Run To The Hills as the main tone :D

The doorbell is just for messages
 
MaidenMadness said:
a young priest was very nervous before his first mass so he asked bishop for advice and bishop told him
"take a glass of water and pour two drops of vodka in it and you wont be so nervous"
after that he felt so selfconfident that nothing could upset him anymore. after the mass he found a not with the following text:
"Dear father, next time take two drops of vodka with a glass of water not vice versa. we fell that that way these incidents won't occur again:
1) it is not neccesary to put slices of lemon on a grail with wine
2) the closet by the altar is for confessions. its not a toilet
3) we dont hug and kiss the statue of vigin mary
4) there are 10 commandments not 12. there are 12 apostols not 7..and none of them was a dwarf
5) we dont call jesus christ and his apostols j.c. and the gang
6) david beat golliath by hitting him with a rock. he didnt jump onto him and beat the shit out of him
7) we dont call judas a son of a bitch
8.) we must not call pope el padrino
9) bin laden had nothing to do with jesus's death
10) holy water is for blessing and not for refreshing your armpits
11) you must pray by sitting in front of an altair with your foot the the holy bible
12) body of christ isnt a snack that goes with the wine its for the believers
13) sinners go to hell and not to fuck themselves
14) inviting a people to dance isnt bad but a polka through church is unacceptable
15) the guy in the corner who you called a faggot, a heretic and a transvestite in a skirt was me

we hope that the following sunday's mass will go without these incidents"

:D
Click to expand...
LOL
 
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