HAHA THIS IS HILARIOUS

rockin_plumber said:
Ok last one tonite...........

A guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner."This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.

"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.

The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic (being a Harley fan).

That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's arm.

"Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

"No problem," he says. And in they go.

The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet.

So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they make love right on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word.

"Her Mom's kinda cute", he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence.

Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "All right, all right! I'll do the damn dishes."

:banana: :banana: :banana:
Click to expand...
that one is about as old as the rain itself but still brings a smile on my face whenever i hear it
 
New warning labels for liquor, wine and beer containers:


WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may leave you
wondering what in the world happened to
your bra and panties.
____
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think
You are whispering when you are not.

____
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to
Tell your friends over and over again that
you love them.
____
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to
think you can sing.
____
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to
believe that ex-lovers are really dying for
you to telephone them at four in the morning.

____
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think
you can logically converse with other
members of the opposite sex without spitting.

____
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is the leading
Cause of inexplicable rug burns on the
forehead, knees and lower back.

++++++++
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the
illusion that you are tougher, smarter,
faster and better looking than most people.
____

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to
Think people are laughing WITH you.
____



:D
 
NewfieParamedics.jpg
 
I'm watching 'sweet november' on TV and the building keeper's name where Keanu Reeves leaves is 'manic' LOL LOL

Can't believe it , I knew it was a nickname LOL LOL
 
the_nomad said:
I'm watching 'sweet november' on TV and the building keeper's name where Keanu Reeves leaves is 'manic' LOL LOL

Can't believe it , I knew it was a nickname LOL LOL
Click to expand...
:shock: huh
 
How can you not love the Irish? "Personal ads" in the Dublin News:



Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area. Seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in a

man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club and

starting fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning.



Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by long-time fiancée, seeks

decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel

world of hatchet-faced bitches.



Ginger haired Galway man, a trouble-maker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after

a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe

more.



Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cottage in the

arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady, with a

lovely chest.



Devil-worshipper, Offaly area, seeks like-minded lady, for wining and dining,

good conversation, dancing, romantic walks, and slaughtering cats in

cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.



Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old double-jointed

supermodel, who owns her own brewery, and has an open-minded twin

sister.



Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the

night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM.


LOL
 
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar.

They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment,

she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly

teddy bears.

Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor,

cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous

bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy

bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to

mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive

side. She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each

other's clothes off and! make hot steamy love.

After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are

lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks,

smiling,



"Well, how was it?"







The guy says ............



















(scroll down - it's a beauty)































"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

LOL
 
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