Tell a joke

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "here put these on." She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said. "That's right!!" said the husband, "and don't you forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family!" With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said, "Hell, I can't get into your panties!" She said, "That's right, and that's the way it's going to be until you change your attitude."


:withstupid:
 
Three friends are in a car driving to the ballgame when a big truck runs them over, killing them instantly.

They find themselves at the Pearly Gates being interviewed by St. Peter. "OK, you," he says, pointing to Vito, "How many times did you cheat on your wife? And don't lie, I'm St. Peter you know. "

Vito hangs his head and replies, "Honestly Pete, I was with two maybe three different broads a week." St. Peter says, "OK, your car in heaven is that used Geo Metro over there, goodbye."

He looks at Eddie and asks, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?"

Eddie replies, "I must admit that in 15 years of marriage I did cheat on my wife 3 times."

St. Peter says, "OK, your car in heaven is that LeBaron, goodbye."

He then looks at Jacob and asks, "And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

Jacob lifts his head high and replies, "I am proud to say that over 20 years of marriage, I never cheated on my wife! In fact, my beloved has been dead for 2 years now and I remained celibate the whole time!"

St. Peter replies, "Very impressive. Your car in heaven is that Ferrari convertible. Goodbye!"

A couple of hours later, Vito and Eddie are waiting for Jacob at the park where all three had planned to meet. Jacob arrives a couple of minutes late in his Ferrari, and his friends notice that he is sobbing like a baby.

Vito asks, "Hey! Whatsamatterwidyou? We should be crying! We're stuck with these ugly buckets and you got a new Ferrari!"

Jacob, between sobs replies, "I just saw my wife on a skateboard!"


:bananabang:
 
A blind man walks into a supermarket and grabs his dog by the tail and starts swinging it around! One of the assistants says "What the hell do you think your doing" "Having a quick look round" replied the blind man!
 
A duck walks into a pub and says to the barman: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we have no bread." Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we haven't got any fuckin bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, are you deaf, we haven't got any fucking bread, ask me again and I'll nail your fucking beak to the bar you irritating bastard bird!"
Duck says: "Got any nails?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"








Sorry :err:
 
A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two retired and fell asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.

"Good," she replies. "Get your own fucking blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.
 
This is Pretty silly :-

Well A Prostitute offers to have sex .... on these rates ...
10.00 $ on the grass
20.00 $ on the couch
30.00 $ in her Bed ....

First a Brazilian comes and gives her 10 $ so they have it on ... the grass
Second an European Comes and gives 20 $ and they have sex on a couch ...

And Atlast an Indian comes and gives 30 $ .... Pros. Says "U got the Class"

Indian Says " CLass My ASS ... 3 times on The Grass ... " :?

SORRY if anyone got disgusted ... :D
 
Not a joke a riddle
but it will be kind of stupid when you get the answer
Right there were to americans standing outside a brithish museum
One of them was the father of the other ones son
how is that possible LOL
 
One day a man walked in a bar with a box. He sat down, opened the box and out popped a leprechaun. The man told the bartender, "I want a pint of beer and a shot of whiskey for my buddy here."
There was man sitting at the end of the bar watching all of this and, after the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he ran down to the end of the bar and spit in the guy's face. Then he ran back.

The guy with the box said, "I'll have another beer and a shot of whiskey for my buddy here."

After the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he again ran to the end of the bar and spit in the man's face, then dashed back.

The guy with the box ordered another beer for himself and another shot for the leprechaun. Again, the after the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he ran down to the end of the bar. But this time the man was waiting for him and he grabbed the leprechaun and held him in the air.

He said, "If you spit in my face again, I'm going to cut your pecker off."

The leprechaun laughed and said, "Leprechauns don't have peckers."

Then the man said, "If you don't have peckers, then how do you pee?"

"By spitting," said the leprechaun.
 
>THREE TORTOISES
>
>Three tortoises, Mick, Andy and Roy, decide to go on a picnic. Mick
packs
>the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is that the
picnic
>site is ten miles away so, it takes them ten days to get there. When
they
>get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. "Ok Roy give me the bottle
opener"
>
>
>"I didn't bring it" says Roy "I thought you packed it." Mick gets
worried,
>He turns to Andy, "Did you bring the bottle opener?" Naturally Andy
didn't
>bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle
opener.

>
>Mick and Andy beg Roy to go back for it. But he refuses as he says
they
will
>eat all the sandwiches.
>
>After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives
that
they
>will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees.
>
>So Roy sets off down the road at a steady pace.
>
>20 days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Andy are starving,
but
>a promise is a promise. Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a
promise
>is a promise.
>
>Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich
each,
and
>just as they are about to eat it, Roy pops up from behind a rock and
shouts,
>"I KNEW IT'......NOW I'M NOT GOING!"
 
A friend just sent me this :D ..................

>
>>The Rope Story
>
> Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter,
>> ten men and one >woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them
all,
>so
>> they decided >that one had to drop off, otherwise they were all
going
to
>> fall. > >They were not able to choose that person, but then the
woman
made
>a
>> very >touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of
the
>> rope >because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for
her
>> husband >and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting
anything
>in
>> return. >As soon as she finished her speech all the men started
clapping
>> their hands! > >SEND THIS STORY TO AN INTELLIGENT WOMAN SO THAT SHE
HAS
>> SOMETHING TO SMILE >ABOUT TODAY. > >


LOL
 
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