now thinking

Did some depressing reading. My old college shut down last year and I found the wikipedia page for it.

They were having some problems funding it properly but they were getting by. Then this new person got put in charge who just completely fucked it all up. The new president claimed there were serious financial problems and moved to shut everything down without notice. Everything got sold off very quickly,

I'm thinking about of all of those spaces that no longer exist. I wish things had turned out differently for me when I attended.
 
The library no longer exists. A place I spent a lot of time in.

The beautiful hall with white grecian columns no longer exists. It housed many of the university offices and you could just go and sit in the huge courtyard in the center anyway.

The hallways outside classrooms don't exist anymore. The walls would gradually collect stickers and small bits of graffiti and every year they would just remove the stickers and paint it all gleaming white again, a blank canvas for students in the future.
 
It was an urban campus with the buildings spread out around the city. Not like the colleges you normally see on tv with acres of grass and trees. This was all concrete but it had that hip city energy.
 
College started out promising for me but the train went off the tracks due to untreated anxiety. I left at the end of my third year, thinking maybe I could come back in the future and finish, but needing to get away at that time because it was so painful.
 
I would check tuition fees occasionally but they were skyrocketing and because I didn't have a degree I was stuck in low-paying jobs. If I went back I would need loans to finish, but taking out loans is only justified if you can get a decently paying job with that degree. I didn't want to be stuck in awful jobs with tens of thousands of dollars to pay back.
 
I went to bed and it was still out there. I dunno, maybe you should restructure your life so you don't have to avoid whatever it is you're avoiding
 
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